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The Buzz About Stoned America

The Buzz About Stoned America

Now that Sean Hannity is making it clear that he has nothing relevant to add to the legalization conversation, how do we kick him out of it?


His special (and we mean “special”) report called “Stoned America” began last Friday night on Fox News. He began with a statement that he believes more states will legalize marijuana because “the government wants more money,” but also felt it his civic duty to let us know the many dangers of marijuana. Reefer madness, dudes. FYI, according to Mr. Hannity:

  1. Teenagers who partake are killing their brain cells.
  2. Adults who partake are ambition-less, wasting away their lives.
  3. Everyone who partakes is in imminent danger of becoming bored with it and moving on to more perilous drugs, like cocaine and heroine. This is because everyone who partakes is searching for something – a cure for their anxiety or boredom – and they are looking to drugs for escape.

Thanks for the great advice, dad!

First of all, the “teenagers killing their brain cells” argument is debatable, but we’ll let scientists take that on. More importantly, it’s irrelevant. Do you know anyone arguing for decriminalization of teenage recreational marijuana use, other than stoner teenagers? Probably not.

Secondly, adults who partake are ambitionless?

I believe Hannity’s exact phrasing was something like… “Anybody I’ve met in my life that smokes a lot of pot has, like, zero motivation. They’re not people that I consider bright, energetic, happy people. In my life, that’s been my experience.”

Well, Mr. Hannity, you probably haven’t ever met a gay person either, and maybe you think all gays look like the kids from Glee. Your personal experience doesn’t make you informed. It makes you biased. Congratulations. By the way, have you met Snoop Dogg? Because he’s a baller. Seriously, though. How about Rick Steves? Maya Angelou? Morgan Freeman? David Letterman? Bill Maher? Carl Sagan? FUCKING BILL GATES? Yeah, checkmate.

Finally, the gateway drug argument is one of the worst ever. If millions of Americans are bored or anxious, looking for an escape from their mundane lives, our country has a bigger problem than recreational marijuana use. Our country has a problem that goes down to our very roots – who are we, what is our purpose, and what drives us? Why are we unhappy? Perhaps anything can be a gateway drug, then. But certainly there are many, many marijuana users who don’t partake because they hate their lives, and who never move on to more dangerous substances. This argument lacks relevance, and points to bigger problems with America than drugs.

Well, everyone, we just had to put our two cents in while Hannity fucks with the minds of American citizens. What are your thoughts?

1 Comment

  1. “Thanks for the great advice, dad!” Spoken like a true teenager!

    Hannity’s advice is good advice and one would be wise to heed it. Justifying one “evil” (pot) by another (alcohol) has never suggested serious reasoned opinion to me but rather a desire to do “what I want whenever I want to” no matter the effect on myself or those around me. We all get to choose the course of our lives but more and more science is telling us what we know by experience…. and it ain’t good for blowing weed.

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